Does Choosing a Realistic Strap-On Create Body Comparisons?
In this article
Short answer: It can bring up body comparisons, but choosing a realistic strap-on does not, by itself, mean you prefer it to your partner's body. A lifelike shape, a size difference, or an unexpected purchase may feel personal. The useful question is what each of you reads into the choice—not whether either of you is wrong for wanting it or feeling uneasy.
You might see something new to explore together. Your partner might see a body they think you would rather have. Neither interpretation tells you what the other person actually meant. Before buying, ask which part feels uncomfortable: the appearance, the size, or the thought of being replaced.
Why a Realistic Design Can Feel Like a Comparison
Skin tone and anatomical details give someone visible features to compare with a body. That does not make comparison inevitable. An abstract design may feel less personal, but its size can still raise the same worry. Choosing a plainer look is an option, not proof that the concern has gone away.
| What catches your attention | What it might mean to your partner | What to ask |
|---|---|---|
| Lifelike shape or skin tone | “Is that the kind of body you want?” | “Is it the realistic look that feels personal?” |
| A noticeable size difference | “Am I being measured against this?” | “Would the size bother you even in a nonrealistic design?” |
| A purchase made without discussion | “Was I left out of a decision about us?” | “Would you rather choose together, or pause the purchase?” |
These are possible interpretations, not a way to read someone's mind. A quiet reaction might be embarrassment, uncertainty, or simply not liking that design. Ask before treating it as jealousy.
What Research Can—and Cannot—Tell You
Body-image research offers context for why the choice might feel sensitive. In two studies published in 2024, with 475 and 234 participants, more negative genital self-image was associated with lower own and perceived partner sexual satisfaction. Perceived partner satisfaction is what someone believes their partner feels, not confirmation of the partner's actual feelings [1].
A 2019 online survey of 6,228 cisgender, heterosexual adults aged 18–40, recruited through Reddit communities, linked positive genital self-image with more positive body feelings and fewer body-related concerns during sexual encounters. That sample does not represent every adult or relationship [2].
Size research also has limits. Veale and colleagues' 2015 review, Am I normal?, pooled health-professional measurements from up to 15,521 men. It described body measurements—not what your partner wants, and not whether a toy could replace you [3].
None of these studies directly tested whether choosing a realistic strap-on causes body comparisons. They cannot tell you how likely that reaction is, prove that insecurity was already there, or settle what this purchase means in your relationship.
How the Comparison Can Feel on Either Side
If Your Partner Feels Measured
A joke about the size or a quick “whatever you want” can leave you unsure whether your partner is comfortable. Give them room to answer without having to seem relaxed. Try, “I don't want you to agree just to avoid disappointing me. What about this one feels uncomfortable?”
If the worry is being wanted less, a debate about dimensions may miss it. Say what you genuinely value about being close to them. Avoid reassurance that turns into another ranking, such as “You're still better than a toy.”
If You Suggested the Realistic Design
You may feel guilty for bringing it up, as though curiosity has exposed a complaint you never meant to make. Explain what appealed to you without criticizing your partner's body. You can be interested in a design and still decide not to buy it together. You do not have to call your preference silly to take their feelings seriously.
If Enjoying It Leaves You Feeling Guilty
Enjoying a different sensation does not, on its own, establish that you are dissatisfied with your partner. If that is what worries either of you, talk about it rather than treating enjoyment as a confession. “I liked that with you” may express what you mean more clearly than comparing bodies or experiences.
A Conversation About the Choice, Not a Body Ranking
Consider this hypothetical situation: while browsing together, one partner closes a product page and says, “That looks nothing like me.” The other had been thinking about trying something different, not replacing anyone.
“I can see why that felt personal. I was curious about the design, but I wasn't trying to tell you your body is missing something. Is it the look, the size, or what you think choosing it says about us?”
If the answer is “I don't know yet,” leave the purchase undecided. If they say the size hurts, resist answering with measurements or insisting they should feel confident. You could say, “We can leave this one. I don't need you to be okay with it tonight.” These are sample words, not a script that guarantees reassurance.
How to Choose Together Without Promising the Worry Away
There is evidence for taking the quality of the conversation seriously. Mallory's 2022 meta-analysis included 93 studies representing 38,499 people in relationships. Sexual communication was positively associated with relationship and sexual satisfaction; communication quality had a stronger association than frequency. Most included studies were cross-sectional, so this does not prove that talking prevents comparison [4].
A separate 2019 meta-analysis of 48 studies found positive associations between sexual communication and desire, arousal, orgasm, erectile function, and overall sexual function. It did not test a particular conversation about realistic toys [5].
- Explain the interest. Say what appeals to you about this choice. Avoid selling it as an upgrade to your partner or assuming curiosity needs a defense.
- Separate appearance from size. Ask which feature carries the comparison. A different color will not necessarily address a worry about size; a smaller option may not address feeling excluded.
- Make “not this one” a real option. Either person can decline a shared purchase or activity. Do not make agreement a test of trust, confidence, or open-mindedness.
- Check in without demanding a verdict. If you both decide to try it, ask later, “How did you feel about our choice?” Leave room for mixed feelings and another conversation rather than expecting one talk to finish the issue.
If the Realistic Choice Still Feels Uncomfortable
You can pause, choose another design, or decide not to buy one. While browsing the strap-on selection, name what you are each responding to instead of assuming “realistic” explains everything.
Product options can help you separate those decisions. The Queen Sheba strap-on set page lists Golden and Pink choices, while the Goddess Hera remote-control strap-on page lists S, M, and L options. Color, size, and control features are different choices; none tells you how a partner will feel. Check the selected option rather than assuming every item pictured comes together.
If the same fear keeps returning, or discussing the purchase repeatedly leads to distress or arguments, you can seek support from a qualified relationship or sex therapist. Buying a different toy does not have to carry the job of resolving a deeper relationship concern.
The realistic design may be what starts the conversation. It does not give you the answer about your partner's feelings. You can be honest about wanting something new while making room for a “no,” a “not yet,” or a different choice.
Still unsure which style fits you both?
Tell the LOCKINK team what matters to you — size, look, or how you want it to feel — and get a straight answer before you buy.
Contact UsReferences
- Goldberg, S. Y., O'Kane, K. M. K., Fitzpatrick, E. T., Jang, G. E., Bouchard, K. N., & Dawson, S. J. (2024). Associations between genital self-image and individuals' own and perceived partner sexual satisfaction. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 50(2), 171–181. PubMed 37909280.
- Komarnicky, T., Skakoon-Sparling, S., Milhausen, R. R., & Breuer, R. (2019). Genital self-image: Associations with other domains of body image and sexual response. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 45(6), 524–537. PubMed 30836857.
- Veale, D., Miles, S., Bramley, S., Muir, G., & Hodsoll, J. (2015). Am I normal? A systematic review and construction of nomograms for flaccid and erect penis length and circumference in up to 15,521 men. BJU International, 115(6), 978–986. PubMed 25487360.
- Mallory, A. B. (2022). Dimensions of couples' sexual communication, relationship satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction: A meta-analysis. Journal of Family Psychology, 36(3), 358–371. PMC 9153093.
- Mallory, A. B., Stanton, A. M., & Handy, A. B. (2019). Couples' sexual communication and dimensions of sexual function: A meta-analysis. Journal of Sex Research, 56(7), 882–898. PubMed 30777780.