Enjoying chastity does not, by itself, tell you whether you are straight, gay, bisexual, or another orientation. It can tell you something about a dynamic you enjoy, such as anticipation, trust, or giving up a little control. Sexual orientation concerns the pattern of people you feel romantically or sexually attracted to, rather than one activity you like. [1]

If your partner has asked about chastity, that request alone is not evidence that they want someone of a different gender. If you are the one asking, you do not have to choose a new identity label to explain your curiosity. You can also take any genuine questions about attraction seriously without assuming that chastity caused them.

Interest Is Not Identity

Here, chastity means a consensual arrangement between adults to pause certain sexual activities, sometimes involving a device or a partner holding a key. It need not involve submission, humiliation, or any particular gender pairing. Gender identity, gender roles, and sexual orientation are different concepts. [2]

Attraction, behavior, and the identity label someone uses do not always match perfectly. The 2011 National Center for Health Statistics report on the 2006–2008 U.S. National Survey of Family Growth, covering people aged 15–44, found that reported attraction and identity correlated closely, but not completely, with reported behavior. It did not study chastity as a test of orientation. [3]

A straight man does not have to lead every intimate interaction to be straight. A gay or bisexual person does not have to enjoy submission. Neither a role nor a device decides a person's identity.

Why the Question Can Feel Personal

The worry may start with a stereotype: “People like me aren't supposed to want this.” Then an unfamiliar interest begins to feel like a secret you must explain. Before trying to settle a label, name what is actually worrying you: being judged, losing your partner's trust, or noticing attraction you have not considered before. Those are different conversations.

For the partner hearing the request, the fear may be less about the device than about being enough. “Are you still attracted to me?” deserves an honest answer, not a lecture about definitions. Reassurance helps only when it is true; uncertainty deserves room too.

Being gay, bisexual, or questioning is not a bad outcome to disprove. The aim is to understand yourself and each other without treating an interest as a diagnosis.

What the Interest Might Mean to You

Trust and Reassurance

The appeal might be feeling trusted with something private, or being able to ask for care without feeling foolish. A useful question is: “Would I still want this if it came without teasing or a particular role?” The answer can help you describe the emotional part that matters.

Anticipation and Affection

You might like anticipation while still wanting ordinary affection: a goodnight kiss, a message during the day, or time together without an agenda. If a change leaves you feeling ignored instead, say that. Disappointment is something to discuss, not something to dismiss as proof that the arrangement is working.

Control and Responsibility

Handing over decisions may sound restful to one partner and burdensome to the other. The language of dominance also appears in bondage and restraint, but sharing that vocabulary does not mean wanting the same tone or responsibilities. Ask what each person imagines rather than assuming “control” means the same thing to both of you.

Curiosity Without Commitment

Curiosity can remain a conversation. You do not need to buy anything, try anything, or prove you are open-minded. Not enjoying an idea after discussing it is also a valid answer.

What Research Can and Cannot Tell You

The studies below provide context about related interests, not direct evidence about chastity users' orientations. None of them supplies a percentage that can tell you what your own interest means.

In an Internet survey reported by Joyal and colleagues in 2015, 1,516 adults, including 799 women and 717 men, rated 55 sexual fantasies. Submission and domination themes were common for both men and women in that sample. This was a fantasy survey, not a nationally representative survey of chastity use. [4]

A 2015 U.S. nationally representative probability survey of 2,021 adults, including 975 men and 1,046 women, found that at least one in five reported ever tying someone up or being tied up, and at least three in ten reported spanking as a sexual behavior. Published in 2017, these are lifetime reports of those behaviors, not chastity prevalence figures. [5]

In a 2001–2002 Australian national telephone survey of 19,307 people aged 16–59, 1.8% of sexually active respondents reported BDSM involvement in the previous year. Reporting was higher among gay, lesbian, and bisexual respondents in that sample. That association does not establish causation or identify an individual's orientation, and the survey did not isolate chastity use. Its past-year measure also should not be compared directly with the U.S. lifetime figures. [6]

Psychological well-being is another separate question. Wismeijer and van Assen's 2013 online questionnaire study compared 902 BDSM participants with 434 controls. The BDSM group reported higher subjective well-being and lower rejection sensitivity, among other differences. This was a group comparison, not evidence that BDSM improves mental health or that any particular person is doing well. It did not establish anyone's sexual orientation. [7]

Making Sense of Your Own Experience

You do not need a research label for every feeling. These two questions can keep reflection focused:

If writing helps, keep private notes in your own words. There is no two-week test or deadline for understanding orientation. You do not need to exclude fantasies involving roles or devices from reflection, but neither does a single fantasy settle your identity.

Consider a hypothetical couple: one partner likes the idea of handing over control; the other hears, “Our usual intimacy isn't enough.” Before discussing any device, they ask what each person hopes will stay the same. One wants anticipation, the other wants reassurance that affection will not disappear. They may find common ground, or decide the idea does not suit them. Either outcome answers a relationship question without assigning an orientation.

This is an illustrative situation, not a customer account or a claim of personal use. The suggestions here are conversation prompts, not clinical assessment or a substitute for your own experience.

Talking Without Promising Too Much

Choose a time when neither of you has to make an immediate decision. If your attraction has not changed, an opening could be:

“I'm curious about the anticipation and trust part of chastity. My attraction to you hasn't changed. I'm nervous you'll hear this as wanting someone else. Can we talk about what it means to each of us, without deciding to try anything?”

If you are unsure about attraction, use a different answer rather than borrowing reassurance you cannot honestly give:

“I am trying to understand some feelings about attraction. I don't want to pretend I have an answer yet, or ask a device to answer it for me. We can leave chastity aside while we talk.”

The partner being asked can have mixed feelings: chosen one moment, weighed down the next. Ask what feels uncomfortable: the responsibility, the words involved, the fear of disappointing you, or the fear of being replaced. If you picture a different style of dominance, describe those differences before discussing any agreement.

An anxious response is not agreement to a shorter trial. A warm response is not consent either. Both people need a genuine option to decline, without being called closed-minded or unloving.

If you both want to explore the idea, discuss privacy, responsibilities, ongoing affection, and how either person can stop. If limits change during an intimate interaction, the earlier agreement does not remove the right to pause. These are consent conversations, not device-use instructions.

Keep product vocabulary separate from identity questions. Terms on LOCKINK's chastity device collection describe product formats, not the orientation or relationship role of the person considering them.

When Support May Help

You do not need to try chastity to understand your orientation, and questioning is not an illness. Consider an affirming licensed counselor or therapist if:

• worry is interfering with sleep, work, or closeness;
• either partner feels pressured, ashamed, or unable to say no;
• conversations repeatedly turn into accusations or demands for proof;
• you want space to explore attraction without rushing to reassure someone else.

The purpose of support is not to make someone straight or remove a harmless interest. APA's 2021 resolution opposes sexual orientation change efforts. [8] Its 2021 practice guidelines for work with sexual minority persons support affirmative psychological practice. If faith, family, or culture adds strain, ask how a professional will respect that context while also respecting your orientation. [9]

The Bottom Line

Chastity is not an orientation test. Be curious about what appeals to you, honest about who attracts you, and specific about what your partner is being asked to share. You can enjoy an interest without defending a label, question a label without proving anything through an activity, or decide that the whole arrangement is not for you.

References

1. American Psychological Association. Understanding sexual orientation and homosexuality. APA orientation overview.
2. American Psychological Association. Definitions Related to Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity in APA Documents. APA definitions.
3. Chandra, A., Mosher, W. D., Copen, C., & Sionean, C. (2011). Sexual behavior, sexual attraction, and sexual identity in the United States: Data from the 2006–2008 National Survey of Family Growth. National Health Statistics Reports, 36. Report abstract.
4. Joyal, C. C., Cossette, A., & Lapierre, V. (2015). What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy? The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(2), 328–340. Study abstract.
5. Herbenick, D., et al. (2017). Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men. PLOS ONE, 12(7), e0181198. Original paper.
6. Richters, J., et al. (2008). Demographic and psychosocial features of participants in bondage and discipline, “sadomasochism” or dominance and submission (BDSM): Data from a national survey. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 5(7), 1660–1668. Study abstract.
7. Wismeijer, A. A. J., & van Assen, M. A. L. M. (2013). Psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10(8), 1943–1952. Study abstract.
8. American Psychological Association. (2021). Resolution on Sexual Orientation Change Efforts. APA resolution.
9. American Psychological Association. (2021). Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Sexual Minority Persons. APA practice guidelines.